I am

I am the only Son of Love. The physical manifestation and living proof of a Forbidden Love. I am the result of an illicit affair between two married parties, who were not married to each other. I am a bastard child.

My biological father never acknowledged me, and my namesake father abandoned me - he knew I was not of his seed, so I can't begrudge him that. I was born to a dysfunctional family and was the black sheep. I was different. I was a lone child. I was protected by one half-sibling, and bullied by another. We did not have it easy as a family. My mothers failed relationships, which emanated from the love she was denied, led her to alcoholism. She literally became a bar fly, finding joy in the bottom of a bottle, and numbing her pain, rather than dealing with her shit and moving on. My half-siblings, two sisters actually, left home by the age I was around 10, and I was left to fend for myself.

I grew up embarrassed about the way we lived. We had nothing. I never made friends or brought them round to my house for that reason. I could never rely on my mother for anything. If something had to be done I had to make sure I did it. I would get her bank card, draw cash, make sure the accounts were paid, food was bought and prepared, and made to ensure whiskey was available every night she got home. Invariably she would have picked up some random decrepit man, and brought him home with her too, which obviously pained me to see. I knew she deserved better.

During my childhood however, on occasion, perhaps twice a year, an "old friend" of my mothers would stop by, and take me to the local cafe to buy sweets. He'd spend an hour or two spoiling me, taking me to the park and just spending time with me. I was too young to understand the reasoning why he did this, other than to know he was someone my mother was friendly with back in the day. It was only when I was sixteen that I found out the truth about who he was, my natural father.

I knew I was different from an early age. I was wise beyond my years, understood matters a child is not supposed to know at a young age. I was, and still am, a loner. I was different to my siblings too. I felt my appearance and intellect separated me from them. I had an inner knowing that something about me was specific to me only. The urge to know eventually got me to ask my mother when I was 16. I literally asked her why I was different to my sisters and where did I come from. She had thought I'd overheard my aunts in conversation. The affair my mother had was quite the scandal within the family for years, I was completely oblivious to this fact. Anyway, as it turned out she told me that I was right, there was something, and that the man who I'd always thought was my father, was in fact not!

My real father, his name was Ronnie, I was told had died a year earlier. I had not seen him in years. The last time he visited I was 13. I did not feel relieved, but more validated to hear the truth. It did not change who I was, or make me better, or less than my sisters. I did not end up on a crusade to find my fathers family either, there would be no point to it, and I understood no good would come of it for anyone. It was better to let sleeping dogs lie.

What this has left me with is a strong, deep desire to be loved by another man unconditionally and uninhibitedly. Not having had a close, tight bonding experience with a male in my growing years has lead me to feel a void that needed to be filled. I searched for that light for 43 years. Searching for the light however, has always brought me heartache and pain. I never realised that what I was searching for, I was. That epiphany only dawned on me after my last horrific relationship. In rebuilding myself again, I came to understand that my weakest flaw, is my strongest attribute!

I am LOVE! I am of Source. I am of Creation. I do not need to look for anything outside of myself, for it lies within. I was conceived of love, and at the core of my essence lies love. I am not here to receive love, I am here to give love. That is my purpose. It is with this knowing and understanding that I now move forward with my life.

As a post on my Instagram told me today : "You are not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your Truth. And you never know who needs your light, your warmth and your raging courage". Alex Elle.

Another post says "Speak that shit into existence"..........and I plan to!

#starseed #pleiadian #blueray #iamthelight #alphaandomega #warrior #timetofuckingshine #loveistheanswer #raisevibration #prethetree #floweroflife #consciousness